Chaz’s Bio

A Tinder profile parody

Matthew John
2 min readOct 23, 2022


Chaz. 35. Male. Straight/bi.

Back on this app again lol 😂 Father of 3 beautiful grain-free calico cats 🐱 Partnered, poly, demisexual construction worker 👷 If you don’t like tacos please swipe left. 420 friendly. 69 friendly. 911 friendly. ACAB. I love to binge Netflix shows, especially cooking and true crime. Bad at writing bios. 3rd pic is my dad not me.

I am independent and have a great work/life balance ✨ I am driven and have personal goals. Life coach. Artist. Family-oriented 👪 Home owner 🏠 Proud moderate. Spiritual. Slava Ukraini. Obsessed with D&D! True crime nerd 🎧 Anime. Active. Ally. Emo. ISO metamours for committed, non-exclusive polycule. ENFJ+

I enjoy indie coffee shops and hiking. Spontaneous. Adventurous. Gluten free. Pesca-curious. Workaholic. Claustrophobic. Catholic. Cultural appropriation. I’m a virgo and vibe best with libras. Aquarius dwarf lion blood moon rising, am I right cancers? ♏♎☀️🌊💔

If you’ve never watched Ocean’s 11 swipe left 🙅 I enjoy meeting new people and having a soul connection. Late nights. My kids are my life. On my grind. Vibes. New in town. Will you be my tour guide? Golfer. Avid reader. Traveler ✈️ My bestie said I need to get back on the dating scene 😅🤷 #digitalmarketing

Looking for the love of my life. ENM solo-poly triad. Kinky. If you love tacos swipe right. Vintage. Values. Vasectomy. Pro life choices. Slam poetry and chamomile tea 🫖 with oat milk. Gemini. Love jazz and underground hip-hop. DIY. YOLO. Road trips 😍

Left Cali after a misunderstanding. Long story 🙄 Connoisseur. Foodie. Laugh, live, love 💖 I believe in science 🔬 In search of peace of mind. Yoga. Kale. Lobster. Dahmer. Cat lover. Shark week 🍿

Night owl. Swipe left if you can’t handle me. Rebel. Entrepreneur. Loner. Sushi. Compassionate. Country boy. BFF. Vaccinated 8 times 💉 Ethical slut. Sex offender. Add me on Insta, I’m not on here much lol 🐟🔨🌈🌸🤔💅

Chaz isn’t my real name 🤪 Tattooed. Exotic food. Bali. Free thinker. French press. True crime buff. Thrift shops. Bonfires. Bone fragments. Feed me tacos plz 🌮 #singlelife

Always down to grab a drink and talk about weird shit. Sarcastic. Surfer 🏄‍♂️ Celibate. Dad jokes. Nightmares. Organic grass-fed beef 🍔 Swipe left if you hate craft beer. Communication is key! 💬 Long distance runner. Used car salesman. If we match message me your worst pickup line 🍻🤝

They’re still looking for me lol 💀 Homebody. Homeschooled. Homosapien. I enjoy bowling, but ironically. EDM. RPG. FBI. Romance novels. Turquoise. London. Good vibes only. Former cult leader. Telekinesis. Tanning beds. Channing Tatum 😍 Bitcoin. Investor 📈 Still washing the blood off my hands🩸 Jesus freak ✝️ Country music. Good listener. #truecrimelife



Matthew John

My book “Millennial Marxist” is now available through!